Best of the Worst

There's something about Dane Cook that just isn't funny. His attempts to fill the comedic gap where Jim Carrey once stood is a horrifying and embarrassing sight. This is exactly what happens in Good Luck Chuck, a film advertised as a light-hearted romantic comedy about a boy who falls hopelessly in love with a clutzy, accident-prone girl. What the film really is is a soft-core porn about a guy who sleeps with hundreds of women in order to fullfill his momentary pleasure and their hopes of meeting the man of their dreams after a night with Chuck. Jessica Alba's presences in this film is totally unnecessary and she plays it with that in mind. Other than being cute as a button, there's nothing she adds to the film that can soften the blow of the tiring performance of Dane Cook and the unwatchable acting of his friend, Stu, played by Dan Fogler.

O: Dude I just saw good luck chuck and I don't even know what to say.

L: Yeah i just think of all the guys who died in WWII just so that movie could be made.

O: dude [Dane Cook's] friend is awful

L: i know dude that guy won a tony

O: well that actually makes sense hes very theatrical

The film is decieving in its advertising and shocking in its reality making for a very uncomfortable and unpleasant theatre experience. A movie with more breasts than jokes must, by definition alone, qualify as pornography. This film is mind-numbing and degrading and must be steered-clear of.

[The text message excerp above have been paraphrased]

Do You Remember The Time?

In a past day and age the hand drawn animated film was the empire of entertainment, and it's Emperor was none other than Walt Disney. With such fabled classics as Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs, Cinderella, and Pinocchio, there was no stopping Walt Disney. Until something happened, something that changed the face of entertainment for eternity. The computer. With this gadget that now allows us the freedom of creating "blogs" over a virtual world, I must pose the question, "Do you remember the time?" Do you remember the time my friends, of a world where you could leave your home doors unlocked at night, and keys in the ignition? Do you remember a time where children could play with toys without fear of lead poisoning? Do you remember a time where McDonald's was considered fine dining? I do. I also remember a time where I could see the genius of hand drawn animated films such as The Little Mermaid, Beauty & The Beast, Aladdin, and The Lion King on the silver screen without fear that this medium of entertainment would suddenly disappear and be taken over by animated films created by a machine. The film Enchanted wisps me back to those glory days where animation meant by hand and not by the click of a mouse. I welcome this return to glory, albeit only 15 minutes of the total running time. The rest of the film is not to be ignored as the performances almost feel hand drawn themselves. Amy Adams' portrayal as Giselle, the Princess from Andalasia, will go down in history alongside Julie Andrews in Mary Poppins and Angela Lansbury in Bedknobs and Broomsticks. So I ask again my fellow readers, "Do you remember the time?" The following took place on December 3, 2007 via text messaging:

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L: Dude enchanted is the best movie ive seen all year like im not kidding im sitting in the theatre watching the credits as we speak

O: Really best pic good?

L: Dude i fuckin hope so dude its such a well made well acted all around excellent film its the most original ive seen all year but i need to see ncfom (No Country For Old Men)

O: Wow ill have to check it out

L: Yeah man i neeeever (expected) it to be this good

The French Are Coming!

Critics and media fatcats alike can try and paint a picture of the disloyal, unhygenic and weak people of France who laid down to rolling threat of the Nazis in World War II and recently refused to help in our war against Iraq. But Javier Bardem's portrayal of Anton Chigurh in Cormac McCarthy's No Country For Old Men stirs memories of a France that ruled Western Europe with an iron fist for most of the last millenium. A France that conquered Britain, murdered their own people when they betrayed the Catholic Church and hunkered down in the trenchs to battle Hitler's grandparents in the First World War (or as they called it then "The War to end all Wars"). His unrelenting, sadistic characterization of a fatalistic hitman will have Academy members squirming in their chairs as they check the ballot next to his name for Best Supporting Actor. The following took place over two, separate evenings over a cell phone:

O: Dude have you seen NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN

L: no not yet have you

O: Im going tonight Im so friggin pumped

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O: Dude I don't even know what to tell you

L: Is it good?

O: Man i need more time to digest

L: Is it terrible?

O: No its pretty awesome just really dark and vague

O: But javier bardem will win best sup actor

L: So is it even good?

O: Yeah its just fucked up you have to see it its a great theater movie

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L: Dude just saw [No Coutry For Old Men] dude it was good but I just don't know what to think of it as a whole dude javier bardem was so heartless the direction was awesome and no music

L: Thing made it so unsettling [sic]

O: Yeah dude hes a ghost

L: Yeah man the scene that chilled me to the bone was the scene with the store owner in the beginning and the scene with the wife in the end

L: Yeah dude what an odd film and your right its so vague its like your just dropped into this wholesituation and then just pulled out at the end

O: Exactly with no elination [sic]

L: Explination